As Lady GaGa has been proclaiming on the billboards, a Poker Face is something that everyone should master. Day after day I give physical exams to pets that are healthy, ill or about to undergo surgical procedures. The art of the veterinary exam has been compared to the exam techniques that pediatricians use. Like pediatrics, veterinary nurses and doctors are faced with a protective “parent”, and the patient’s entire medical history is received via a second hand account. Every client is different. I’ve had some clients literally give me a by the second account of their dog’s diarrhea, and last week a lovely gentleman drew us a map of his dog’s masses before coming into the hospital. And then you have clients who seem to be completely unaware of their pet’s health. Often the person bringing the pet in did not see the incident in question, and like detectives we have to resort to calling other witnesses to get the facts. I love my time in the exam room. There I have the opportunity to truly educate the client and hopefully improve the life of the pet. Just as kids will say the dangest things, so will your clients. Below are some of my favorite exam room moments.
Last year I had a lady come in convinced the inside of her dog’s mouth had turned black overnight. The dog (a chow chow mix) was 8 years old and had been the woman’s companion since she was a puppy. For those who don’t know, chows naturally have dark mucus membranes. In 8 years, the woman had never looked in her dog’s mouth.
An older gentleman informed me he poured Hydrogen Peroxide down the ear canal of his spaniel since the dog was itching it. He though it was a good idea since it worked so well on his personal cuts and scrapes. In case you are wondering…this is not a good idea.
Many clients give an account of their dog’s ailments in the dog’s voice (as they imagine it to be). After administering a vaccine to a dog, the woman looked at me and in the dog’s voice said, “Lets get the f*@k out of here.” I bade her a good day, opened the exam door for her and walked away. Apparently insulting your medical team is OK when you do it in the voice of a teacup poodle.
We are also asked constantly for training advice. A nervous, new puppy owner who is slowly realizing that owning an active dog equals a lot of work said , “So she doesn’t come when I call her. But that’s just a puppy thing right? When she’s older she’ll automatically want to come back right?” The concept of obedience school was very foreign to her.
Throughout these revelations I keep my face professional and get more information in regards to concerns and self medicating regimes. Thankfully I can always redirect my gaze to the computer or the pet. And some stories the clients tell us are truly amazing, and I have no qualms smiling broadly. Some of those will be coming tomorrow.
3 comments:
I do always wonder what the pediatrician thinks of me when I'm in the office reciting the details of my children's vomit, poo, and so on. But at least I've never done it in a baby voice. People really talk in a "dog" voice to you? How weird is that?
That last patient quote about the misbehaving puppy sounds strangely familiar. I'm pretty sure Dave and I asked our poor vet about a thousand obedience-related questions. I apologize on behalf of all first-time puppy owners!!
these are the kind of things i like to read in a veterinary blog.. like a readers digest humor column. thanks for sharing.
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